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2,119 days.

Updated: Nov 8, 2019

Yep. I've been in recovery from alcohol...mostly, wine...for 2,119 days. Since January 18, 2014. That's my sobriety date. The date I humbly offer at every AA meeting I attend.


"My name is Maria. I'm an alcoholic. My sobriety date is January 18, 2014."


I OWN that statement. It belongs to me only. It is mine and you better believe that I have earned it AND the right to share it loud and proud! Ok, well, maybe not exactly loud, more of a whisper, because I haven't really shared it outside of the rooms. So, I've only kinda sorta shared...in the safety of Alcoholics Anonymous, where I knew my secret would be kept sacred and I wouldn't be judged. Between trusted friends and other alcoholics. People who get me. People who understand addiction and recovery. Some of the most awesome people I have EVER met! (Can I get a big "Whoop Whoop" for all of us in recovery?!!!)


But, today, I *gulp* share a little bit of my story with you, dear readers. And, this is really scary for me. Like, my hands are shaking and my heart is racing as I type. Scary like, I'm typing this while I'm in my big, king-size bed with loads of soft, squishy pillows and blankets, so I feel comforted while I write this post.


Alcohol is a little b*tch. What started off as a glass of wine or two to take the edge off had become a habit that fooled me into believing that deserved to drink. Heck, I might even be a better mom because of it! I drink, PLUS I'm calm, EQUALS happier mom. Happier mom equals happier kids, right?


So my, once "little" wine habit became more regular. Wine had become my nightly companion and it felt normal. I mean, mom's drink. That's what we do. It's how we have been guided, mostly by media/social media, to live and survive motherhood. I see it on television, on the internet and even with my very own eyes in my everyday mommy life. Heck, I've lived it! Women day-drinking at lunch. At playdates. At the park. After yoga. And even while trick-or-treating. (You know it's true...don't lie.) It's five o'clock somewhere has almost become a national anthem!


And, let's just stop right here for a minute and talk about this crazy "mommy wine culture" we live in. What.Is.Up.Wit.Dat? We mommies are being marketed to by the entire industry! Bottles of wine called "Mommy's Time Out" poured into children's cups with the words "Mommy's Sippy Cup" printed on them and t-shirts that read "I wine because my children whine"...what the hell???


I'm not saying that wine is always evil or that it's even the industry's fault that I drank to excess. I'm not. No one forced me a drink in my hand, after all. You might be someone who can enjoy a nice glass of chardonnay. Yay for you! {{hands clapping}} But, for someone who might have that genetic tendency or predisposition towards alcohol addiction, this post is for you. Take notes, friends.


So, why am I "outing" myself now?


Simple. It's time. I'm almost 6 years sober. Why should I be ashamed of six years of healthy living? I've learned so much about alcohol, about myself, about how to live, about God's grace and now, I'm ready to share my "happy, joyous and fee" (that's AA talk) life with all of you. In AA we say "you can't keep it if you don't give it away". So, I share my story because I'm not content anymore to sit back and allow the stigma of addiction to continue. That it's possible to live a really wonderful life without alcohol. I want to be an example of what healthy recovery looks like...one day at a time. If outing myself helps just one person, then I am happy to do so.


But here's the really scary thing that I live with daily. My addiction doesn't want me to be healthy and sober. Remember what a sneaky little b*tch alcohol is? Addiction is even b*tchier. Yeah, because she's inside working towards a comeback. So, it's super scary to think that she could take my sobriety away from me. And she could. I can never promise to be sober forever. That's just toooo big. Too daunting. But, I can promise one day at a time. I can give you that.

In my 5 years, 9 months, 19 days and 22 hours of sobriety (but who's counting, right?), I've been on an incredible journey of self-discovery, healing, forgiveness and truth like I have never known, only because I walked in and sat allllll the way down in a seat of an AA meeting, got rigorously honest, admitted that I had a problem and asked God for His help, guidance and love...and He's blessed me with all of it 2,119 times. That's a pretty good track record, so I'm sticking with Him.


Sparkly and soberly yours,

Maria


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